For almost twenty years, Joanne’s husband dragged their family city to city in search of the perfect job, the perfect lifestyle. His imposed prurient and alcoholic tendencies slowly eroded her confidence, her sense of self, and thwarted her every quest for a career…
Joanne E. Betzler
Joanne needed to write Nothing to Discuss in order to comprehend her own story. As she cobbled together the narrative, occasional newspaper articles shocked her by describing abusive scenarios oddly familiar. In her quest to understand more, she dove into firsthand accounts of domestic violence and professional analyses on the topic to discover that thousands of women/people share similar realities to hers. And that the common denominator is silence.
It may have taken her a quarter-century to find the courage to share her own truth, but Joanne’s hope is to inspire other controlled and abused women/ people to take back their stolen voices, the way sharing her story has allowed her to reclaim her own.
Joanne lives with her husband, Grant, in New Westminster on the unceded land of the Halkomelem speaking peoples.
Testimonials
“Nothing to Discuss is an intimate reflection on the devastating yet often unnamed abuse experienced through coercive control. Serving as a powerful reminder of how easily harmful behaviour can become normalized, this honest and vulnerable memoir helps readers to truly understand the bravery and strength required to take the long journey from silence to self-determination.”
— Wendy Tynan, Calgary-based Executive, Board Member, and Community Leader.
“Joanne Betzler spent nearly two decades navigating the controlling behaviour of her husband before she was able to build a life that felt like her own. In Nothing To Discuss she tells that story, of growing up in a large Catholic family with a charismatic but domineering father and escaping into a relationship with an equally charming but emotionally abusive husband who exerts his power in every aspect of her life. Interspersed in the narrative are letters to her deceased sister that explore grief, not only for her death, but for the unhappy lives they had each resigned themselves to, and which they had been led to believe was all they deserved. Speaking of their wedding rings, Betzler writes, ‘At one time, I’d seen mine as the promise of freedom, but that night I saw the truth. All those tiny pieces of jewellery ever did was move control of our lives from one man to another—like we were batons in a relay race.
Betzler finds a way out, but the mourning for the lost sister, the lost opportunities, makes her journey both hopeful and heartbreaking.”
— Sonja Larsen, Author of Red Star Tattoo, My Life as a Girl Revolutionary
